In addition to that article, there are a few pretty classic things I've been told during this journey. If you've said any of these to me, no worries. I'm not trying to call anyone out or make anyone feel bad, and I realize it's hard to know what to say or not say to someone in this situation. In fact, these were said by people who fully support us and want the best for us. So when I hear things like this, I just roll my eyes and keep moving forward.
1. It's great news I'm pregnant because I feel like women get pregnant when they hang out with other women who are pregnant. So you'll totally get pregnant now.
Unfortunately that's not really how it works. I'm happy you're pregnant though.
2. If you can't afford IVF, you shouldn't have a baby because that's what a child costs in the first year.
Do you even know what IVF costs these days? Also, there is a huge difference between having a year to buy things, etc. than paying an up front fee for a chance at a baby. That's right, just a chance. Not to mention, most people don't start with IVF, so they already have spent thousands of dollars on failed infertility treatments.
3. You need to get your butt back in church.
So is God punishing us because we don't go to church? What about the drugged out crack whores who get pregnant? Why aren't they punished? What about the parents who beat their children or drive them off a pier? You may know that I don't regularly go to church, but you know nothing about my faith or relationship with God...not to mention the God I know loves us and wants what's best for us.
4. Just go on vacation, get drunk, and let loose. It will totally happen.
There's a science to getting pregnant, and it's all about timing. Since my cycle isn't exactly the same every month, it's difficult to plan a vacation 5 months in advance and hope the timing is right. Unfortunately we can't go on vacation every month either.
One thing I've noticed over these past few years is that there's not as much sympathy for people who just can't get pregnant versus women who have miscarriages and can't stay pregnant. When you can't get pregnant, there's a lot of advice about how to have sex. There may be some sympathy but most people just assume you're doing it wrong. Make no mistake, it is just as devastating to experience pregnancy symptoms every.single.month. and realize you still aren't pregnant. Nothing like always having your hopes up (even though you know better) and getting them crushed into the charred earth every month. It definitely steals every ounce of hope you had.
But It's Not All Bad!
Just as we have had people say some stupid things, we have had people (even the same ones) who are truly amazing to us. They're praying for us, lighting candles, hoping for us (when my hope was gone). They shared our sadness, cried with us, listened to us vent and agonize in excruciating detail. Some have silently supported us by being there if we need them (but kept quiet for fear of saying the wrong thing). All of those actions and words matter way more than the stupid things that inadvertently get said. We have had 99.9% support from our family and friends, and we are eternally grateful. We appreciate every prayer, crossed finger, and good thought, whether we know about it or not. Thank you for being there for us.