Hopefully this is my last glass of wine (and other alcohol) for a year or so. Fingers crossed!
I have to start giving myself shots tonight. It's the start of a long process of shots and pills and patches. I start Lupron shots into my belly tonight and do that all the way until the implantation. On the 31st, things really ramp up with shots in the belly and butt, pills, and estrogen patches daily as well as doctor's appointments.
I think that having this time off between the egg retrieval and now has been really great, but I also think that it's made me lose focus a bit. After three years of timing my ovulation and thinking about getting pregnant on a regular basis, it was a definite break not thinking about the process. It's been nice to relax, enjoy my family (my uncle has been staying with us the past month), and not obsess over getting pregnant. But it also seems overwhelming to start this process again.
Honestly it feels like there are some huge hurdles before we do the implantation and then of course there's the dreaded 2-week wait to see if this insane $25,000 process worked...and will keep. One day at a time!
After a month or so of waiting, things are finally moving forward. Our implantation date is June 15th!
I have to start giving myself injections again on May 21st, and it ramps up from there. I'll be taking pills, giving myself shots in the stomach and butt, and applying estrogen patches every other day. It's morning, noon, and night, and I feel a little overwhelmed about the schedule.
We got the meds ordered, and it was another $524. Yikes. I don't think those meds will last the full time either. I think I'll have to order refills. One nice thing is that I was able to trade in some of the meds I didn't take for the egg retrieval for the estrogen patches. That saved us about $440, so I'm very thankful for that!
The transfer/implantation date is June 15th, and I have to keep giving myself shots and taking pills after that as well. Since my body didn't develop this embryo this cycle, they have to make sure that I have enough estrogen and progesterone to sustain a pregnancy until I start producing enough on my own, at about 11 weeks.
I still will have to undergo a two-week wait to find out if I'm pregnant or not. I will go in for blood tests a few times after the transfer, and then on June 29th, I'll do a blood test and pregnancy test. It's going to be a very long two weeks!
I'm thankful that we have a date, but I feel like it's a very long time between now and then.
Also known as one of the hardest days of the year. Thankfully I get to spend time with my own mom, or I would be a hot mess.
When I was in high school, one of my youth leaders was struggling with infertility. She would never come to church on Mother's Day, and I basically thought she was a big baby. I just didn't understand why she couldn't come that one day. In the last couple of years, I've thought a lot about that and I totally get it now. I think even if I wasn't infertile, I would still be more compassionate as an adult than I was as a know-it-all teenager. It's the day where moms get flowers at church and the pastor asks moms to stand up so we can clap for them. Great if you're a mom. Not so great if you can't be one...even if it's for a reason other than infertility. Not only does it make you feel sad, it makes you feel shameful.
So let's just face it. Mother's Day sucks. It's a day where we celebrate moms. I think it's a very important day but that doesn't mean it's not a punch in the gut. For this girl who may never get to be one (although my fingers are crossed), it's a tough day. I'm staying away from all social media today to preserve my sanity. I've had some awesome people who have let me know they're thinking about me today, and I'm sure there are others out there too. And I'm thinking about all the non-moms as well. Those who haven't met their partner yet, who can't have babies, who had a baby who didn't survive, who gave a baby up for adoption. This day is just as hard for them as it is for me. Hugs to everyone out there.
Oh, and to my own mom, Happy Mother's Day! I love you! Thanks for being amazing for the past 31 years I've been around and for being especially supportive during these past 3 years. I can't imagine my life without you.
And to my mother in-law, Happy Mother's Day to you as well! Thanks for raising an incredible son and for loving me like your own daughter. I'm blessed to have you in my life.
Me and Him
We have been trying to conceive (TTC) since July 2012, and it's been a long road. After 4 unsuccessful IUIs (artificial inseminations) and countless heartache, we have decided to move forward with in vitro fertilization (IVF). Even though it's insanely expensive, it has the highest chance for success (75%) and it's our best hope. One of the most frustrating things about our infertility is that there is absolutely nothing wrong with either of us (that they can test). Oftentimes IVF also is diagnostic, so along with hoping for a happy, healthy baby, we are hoping for some answers. This is our journey, and we appreciate any prayers along they way.