He kept saying that we would try again in a month, and I asked if we could do it right away (I was on day 3 of my cycle). He went and did an ultrasound on me to check that my lining had thinned out (it looked great) and then scheduled me to come in for blood work the next morning. As long as my beta hCG level was below 3, we could start again immediately. Up through Wednesday, I was still technically pregnant. I finally heard that afternoon that all of my levels were good, and so I started birth control pills again on Friday night. I've really never been so happy about a negative pregnancy test. If we wouldn't have been able to start again now, we would have had to wait until my period started in September because of the timing with work.
We are so thankful that we can do this again right away so we don't have to wait. We really want to see if this is going to happen for us sooner rather than later. It has been a really long and hard 3 years, and we are ready for the end result, even if it is negative. This journey has probably been one of the hardest things I've had to go through in my life, and I know it's no cake walk for Shamus either. This last part with the IVF has not been fun with all of the shots and side effects, but the heart ache we experience with every negative test and period is so hard to take. This last time was especially hard since we were finally pregnant and it didn't last.
I finally had to uninstall Facebook from my phone because it's so difficult to see pictures of people's kids and babies. I can't deal with pregnancy announcements and people telling stories about so and so who has 4 kids and the state won't allow the mom to see the kids because of neglect or whatever. It makes me want to scream. I know that people aren't saying these things to be hurtful, but I can't deal with it now. So I'm trying to guard my heart and do what's best for me and my semi-fragile state. We are still so sad about the loss of our baby. I realize that it never turned into a viable pregnancy, but that was our child. It was made from us, and we are pretty devastated about it.
Thankfully we have a very good distraction from our bad luck. Shamus' cousin and her 3 girls are in town, and it's been so fun to have them here. It's impossible to be sad around them, and they are the best distraction. I'm so happy they're here right now. It's been perfect! I'll definitely be sad when they leave.